I can feel my heart stop. And then, it slowly beats again when I speak life into “him”. You see, I am more than he. But, socially no one ever notices ME. The energy is fluid. I know when I tap into it. I know I’ve been wrong. What is even right? What I feel isn’t. What they felt wasn’t. I still ponder that. Beyond what I present, I resent the past because it affected your well-being. The shit I’m seeing. Kill the memories of old. But, you still have them. Unfortunately, I can’t get past them. Rightfully so. If you ask, I’ll tell you that “I’m just tryna grow”. Honestly, I think we all are. Harder for some than others. Giving and receiving. Love to my mother for raising me. Flawed due to my upbringing. Mental, physical, and emotional slavery. That shit is in us. We can break it though! I fucking hate how they view us. Even when we give a new “US” it’s like “y’all do it to yourselves”...maybe I did. Am I the problem and solution? Those definitions come with pollution, substitution, and some heavy ass critical thinking. It’s a lot on my mental to be influential and only exist. I hate this shit. So much so that my heart stops when I pace my sips...give me more. I’m killing something. Maybe not exactly what I wanted. I guess we’ll see. Yeah, I want to be free. Does it come with the end of ME? I can feel my heart stop. It starts again when I tell us to win. When? I stick around a while longer just to show how it ends.
 

2020